Just hearing the word “teen” associated with their child is enough to send cold chills down many parents’ spines. Ideas like sexual activity, rebellion, and peer pressure seem daunting to parents of teens. The teen years are often viewed as a period of children being out of control and difficult. It does not have to be that way. If parents know what their teens need from them, it can ease the pathway through the quagmire of the teen years.
Teens need clear rules.
While teens seem to rebel against rules, it is actually their way of testing the rules and the resolve of the parents to make the rules stick. It can be a time of negotiating, but clear rules and boundaries need to be set. Teens need to be able to blame parental rules to save face when they say no to their peer group. Although teens may say things to the contrary, they do rely on parents to provide rules to give them the strength to make the right decisions.
Enforce the rules evenly and consistently.
Teens need to see that parents can be trusted. One of the best ways to prove this to your teen is to be consistent with the application of your rules. The rules should not vary widely from child to child or situation to situation. Teens need to see clear straight lines drawn regarding how the rules will be applied.
Parents need to provide teens with acceptance.
Your teens need to know that even if they mess up you will still love and accept them. You do not want your teen to need to turn to outsiders for acceptance. It needs be easy to get at home. This may tax your parenting skills, but it is important to your teen. You want your teen to be able to come and admit mistakes without fearing abandonment or rejection. The teen may need correction and punishment, but most teens will not have a problem differentiating between punishment and rejection.
Love your teen, and let it show.
Hugs matter. Showing your teen proper parental affection is critical to your relationship. Work hard to convey your love unequivocally to your teen. He or she should never be uncertain about your affection.
All teens need to feel safe.
Security is a big deal. Teens have to know that home is the safest place that they can be. They need to feel safe physically and emotionally. Abuse has no proper place in any home. Your teen should be able to relax at home.
Publicly support your teen.
Be your teen’s fan. Show up for ball games and recitals. Take your teen’s side in adverse situations unless it is clear that he or she is in the wrong. Always assume the teen is innocent until proven guilty. Be the person that stands up for the teen when no one else does.
Do not indulge the teen.
Try not to just let your teen do anything he or she wants regardless of whether it is good or bad. Teach teens limits. It is not okay to do something just because it feels good or he or she wants to. If you can delay your teen’s experimenting with undesirable adult activities, you increase the odds that it will not be a problem later on in life.
Give teens respect.
Your teen is your child. This does not mean that you should continue to treat a teen like a small child. At some point, you must switch your approach with teens from acting like they are little children and begin to treat them as adults. Set limits. Give them opportunities to prove themselves worthy of your trust. It may need to be done in small steps, but the ultimate rewards of giving your teen respect can be huge.
Be a leader to your teen.
Do not just tell your teen how to act. Be a model of appropriate behavior for the teens in your home. Give them a good example to follow. Plan ahead and work to offer your teens new experiences and adventures that you view as best for them.
Give your teen conditional and increasing freedom.
Pay attention to what your teen does right and areas that need improvement. Anything that the teen has mastered in the way of self-control and right choices, encourage by giving him or her freedom in that area. As new adult skills are mastered, you can slowly relax the rules as long as your teen stays on course. Most teens appreciate increased freedom and will work to maintain it and improve their ability to make correct adult decisions.