The teenage years usher into a teener’s life a search for who he is in this world and what purpose he has to accomplish. This search prompts him to veer away from all dictates of the elders, specially his parents, so that he may find his individuality and unique sense of meaning in life. To adults like us, this is teenage rebellion. To the teenager, this is the painful and painstaking birth of an adult.
A caterpillar, once ready for life’s greater purpose, spins its cocoon and hibernates inside. Days and weeks pass and a transformation occurs inside the cocoon. When the time is ripe, the insect inside the cocoon wiggles its way out of the cocoon, inch by inch and with all the might that it could muster. And after a grueling process of moving out of the cocoon, a beautiful butterfly emerges. The painstaking process of moving out of the cocoon is important to the butterfly because it is during this exercise that its wings are strengthened. Take away that painstaking process and you will have a butterfly with “butter wings”, wings that would not be able to hold the butterfly in flight.
Such, too, is the process of the teenager. From puberty, the teener builds his own world, surrounded by peers and other seemingly trivial matters. He hibernates in this world of his until such a time that he is ready to move on to the next level. Changes occur while he is in his world. And in order to make it in the adult world, the teenager must painstakingly wiggle his way out of his world. Take away the experience and the pain of this process and you would have a boneless individual who would not be able to rise again when he falls.
Yes, as parents, we want to shield our child from the pains of growing up. That is a natural paternal and maternal instinct. But we must not forget that it is these pains that would give our child the strength to take on greater challenges and problems in the future. He must undergo them if he is to be ready to move into the adult world. Will we deprive him of this natural process? Will making the transition easier for him really help? If the example of the caterpillar is to be our basis, then definitely we shall be doing a grave injustice to our child.
If we love him, we will allow him to prepare himself well for the future. Like the caterpillar, he has to go through a painful process of transformation. We can help by staying at the side, ever ready to help if and when he asks for our help. But otherwise, the battle is his and his alone. Let us not dip our fingers into it. Let us allow the transformation to take it’s natural course. Let us allow him to strengthen his wings so that he may be able to fly. Then we would have done our part, as parents.
